This blue marble

– and yet it spins

Category Archives: Life


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Interlude: tolerance

rinpoche“Before, the city center was marked by the cathedral. Now, down-town is identified as the place where the banks are”, said Geshe Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche as he sat down, removed his shoes, crossed his legs, and commenced his lecture at a major school of economics in Helsinki. I do not think any leader ever sat on that stage without shoes, cross-legged. Or without a suit.

“If nobody wears shoes in Africa, does it mean there is no business for selling shoes, or that there is a great opportunity to ensure that everybody does wear shoes?” asked Rinpoche. “Is your mind closed, or is it open?” The mind does play funny tricks on us, because it is never a thought or a thing that is right or wrong – only our perception of it is.

He spoke of conflicts, and about how tolerance is actually space inside. “All conflicts, whether they are between people, countries, or religions, are conflicts of identity. We can never be one because we are different people. Any negotiation is about viewpoints, or rather, our differing identities.” And I realized that only if we are better with dealing with our own identities, can we become tolerant. And only if we create space inside for another person’s discomfort, pain, or differing opinion, can we became open enough to be tolerant.

He told us stories. He made us laugh. He made us feel good about ourselves, and foolish. But in the end, he made us aware of the compassion we have for each other, deep inside. And how much easier it is to accept those things that pick on and irritate us when we are open and appreciative of each other.

And I could not help but think that while Rinpoche is Tibetan Bön-buddhist, the Hindus have the most suitable expression for his message of loving-kindness to each other: “namaste”. The divinity in me greets the divinity in you. And how could we not tolerate that which is a part of us?

(Helsinki, Finland; May 2016)


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Why not?

Riviera-2A telltale sign of getting old is to get stuck on one place and return year after year. I confess, I have got stuck on coming to the Riviera. How could I ever wait for a whole year to return again? Impossible. I will not. Since I can work 1-2 days of a week from anywhere, it is not impossible to consider flying down for a long weekend to work on a patio with roses and pool instead of in the office.riviera-4My heart is whispering to me that to not have a place of one’s own down here during this lifetime is unthinkable. I am struggling not to listen, but talk to me again in 10 years from now and we will see who wins: my mind or my heart.

Perhaps it is not too bad to get old, after all. Until next time, Côte d’Azur.riviera-3(Juan-les-Pins and Nice, France; May 2016)


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Interlude

Cassandra-2Our world requires us to constantly know and to feel. It pushes us to question and to process. We must remember, analyze, and accept. Or resist, and act. Each moment we must take a stand, armed with thoughts, feelings, and information. But there are short parentheses where we simply Are, in that space beyond knowing and remembering, between feeling happy and feeling sad. These are the moments when we forget that we have a body in this world, and where things are much simpler.

Mostly this happens when we are in a deep, dreamless sleep. Or when we experience a deep meditative state. My four-legged Zen master knows how it can be done in a wake state. I am convinced I can do it, too, without growing fur and a tail.Cassandra(Helsinki, Finland; April 2016)


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The baseline: about selfish fears

oregon-10What is your greatest fear? Is it the fear of losing someone you love? Losing your health? Losing something else? Being alone? Dying?

These are all valid fears. We may feel alone with those fears, but we are not. The rest of the world shares them with us. And yet there seems to be a different degree of nobility to some fears: when we are asked the question, what is our greatest fear, do we not have a fleeting thought of considering what our answer may sound like? “What if I pick the wrong fear?” “What if I do not answer with a fear that involves a loved one, but only myself – is my fear a selfish fear?” It is not easy to face our fears, and facing them is definitely not made easier by a strong feeling of having to fit the mold at the same time.

While it may be noble that one’s greatest fear involves the wellness and presence of a loved one, the essence of fear is nothing more but the inborn will to stay alive. Thus the essence of fear is already a selfish emotion. Fear is also the resistance of change, to our survival and benefit.

My greatest fear is, and has always been, a deep and selfish fear. I am afraid that one day I will wake up as if from a hazy dream, and realize that twenty years have passed and I have nothing to show for it. That I did not even notice them passing, one by one. That I wasted precious time in which I could have made some tangible results, not only careerwise but also towards other people and our planet; that I did not live each day fully and did not explore our world; and that I would have no clear-distilled memories of great times and great learnings. That I simply had existed but not lived.

Fortunately this fear is one that can be availed. Truly living each day is a decision best made every morning of every day. I find that when one does it properly it is a tough decision to make, a little like a challenging yoga pose: one can either try to superficially resemble the correct form, or one can get down and do the work properly, no matter how inadequate it makes one feel.

Through the years I have developed what now seems to have become a mantra. If you share my fear, perhaps you benefit from sharing my mantra, too. The short version is: “live today”. The long version goes:

(Still your mind.
Remember to breathe. Then say to yourself:)
Today I choose to live this day.
I choose to live it by my highest sense of right.
I choose to experience what comes my way.
Om shanti. Peace be in our universe.

oregon-9(Photos from the Oregon coast, USA; March 2010)


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Enjoying the silence

RamsescassandraLovely ones, apologies for the silence. You see, when this blog is silent it is because I struggle to find the time to be silent. And at the moment I also struggle to find enough capacity in my ancient MacBook to do anything else than surf on the internet.

This winter is a tough one, tougher than in years. Perhaps it has been the cold, and the snow; or perhaps it is my work schedule and countless of hours spent in airports, or simply the countless meetings with strangers, trying to appear smart and present.

While some have to work, others have to enjoy life. To each their own burden. Cats are masters of mindfulness and so was Hamlet: to be or not to be; that is the question. There is never anything in-between. But trying to be present at every moment is an exhausting practice unless one masters the way of detachment. And I have a long way to go.

What about you?

(Helsinki, Finland; February 2016)


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101 things in 1001 days

101goals-1Continuing the streak of more personal notes and the conundrum that each new year poses us. Ever tried to make a New Year’s resolution that failed? Ever wished you could do this and try that and go there – without any of the wishes ever coming true? Why do we spend more time dreaming than making dreams reality? Why do we speak of wishes “coming true” instead of “being made true”?

Sometimes it can be much quicker to make a dream come true than dreaming of it – especially if it comes to sending out that dinner invite or booking that flight or concert ticket.

Last spring I spent my nights coloring a coloring book. I also went to the Helsinki Music Center, had an Indian head massage, and finally went to the French Riviera. During this year I have managed to realize my dream of practicing yoga on Bali, of spending a weekend at a spa by myself, and going through my wardrobe. The challenge is called 101 things in 1001 days and is the core of the Day Zero Project.

My list is far from done – but it’s a good start for the first year. Having a list is certainly not the only way to experience new things, but I hope I can inspire you to start realizing your dreams and goals instead of just dreaming of them. Here are mine marked as “done”, one year in:

  1. Host a board games night
  2. Learn to knit socks
  3. Spend a rainy day watching films in my PJ’s
  4. Spend a weekend at a spa by myself
  5. Make jam
  6. Travel to New England
  7. Crochet a quilt
  8. Find a career mentor
  9. Get an Indian head massage
  10. Install a mirror in the hallway
  11. Have a hot stone massage
  12. Go back to Kathmandu
  13. Read my old journals
  14. Clean out my wardrobe
  15. Go to the French Riviera
  16. Complete a coloring book
  17. See a performance at the Helsinki Music Center
  18. Hire a cleaning maid
  19. See a play at the Shakespeare Globe Theatre in London
  20. Find a penpal and write real letters
  21. Eat at a Korean restaurant
  22. See a Broadway musical in London
  23. Read all moomin books
  24. Practice yoga on Bali
  25. Make candles
  26. Get in touch with 2 old friends

+ about 15 other things in progress, such as joining Earth Hour every year, learning how to make limoncello, going to the dentist every year, and paying off my study debt.

Life is not a rehearsal. You are the star of your show, every day, regardless of whether you are up for it or not. Trust me, the past few years I have mainly not been up for it. Yet life has happened anyway. It tends to do that, every day.

Stop dreaming. Start doing. And do kindly let me know if I inspire you to make a list of your own – so I can mark yet another goal as “done”!101goals-2 (Helsinki, Finland; January 2016)


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Intended and unintended goals of 2015; or looking backward before looking forward

lookingbackDo you believe in New Year’s resolutions? I do not. I personally never seem to be able to keep them. A year is too short and there are so many things I want to do that I never seem to manage to keep track of just a few. And life happens, too. Priorities shift. But more about my alternative to resolutions in another post. Today let’s talk about what did happen during 2015. What was planned, and what was not planned, but improvement nonetheless. And so, in spirit of looking backward before looking forward, here are a few things that I made come true during last year:

  1. I went from vegetarian to 95% vegan.
    I have been mainly vegetarian since I was 15 years old. At home I never eat fish but I may choose fish in a restaurant or tell friends who cook for me to prepare fish just because it makes things easier. On Bali I ended up eating vegan food (mainly raw or Indonesian) for 3 weeks just because that was the main fare – and realized what digestion should feel like when you can’t feel it. It was when I got back home and added dairy to my diet that I noticed the difference. I switched from milk to almond milk, from coffee milk in my tea to soy milk prepared for barista use, and left out yoghurts and the occasional pudding. Cheese is the only thing I refuse to quit – but I eat it perhaps once a month only.
  2. I tried Gwyneth Paltrow’s detoxes – and found I loved the food.
    I don’t believe in the concept of detoxes or cleanses – but I do believe in resetting one’s digestive system, portion size, and eating habits. Paltrow’s detox recipes are expensive on the wallet, at least here in Finland, but I found many new favorites that I incorporated into my cooking, such as kale, nutritious smoothies for breakfast, and creative lunch salads.
  3. I found a yoga shala abroad.
    I love my yoga teacher here in Finland. She is a direct student of Sharath Jois, the lineage holder of ashtanga yoga. Yet sometimes it is good to have a second view – and a reason to travel to an awesome place. Prem Carlisi’s and Radha Duplex’s shala in Ubud, Bali, felt just right. A second view was highly useful to help construct a practice suited for a recently injured knee. And well – Bali is absolutely fabulous. I aim to go back in 2016.
  4. I aimed to be more assertive as a leader.
    My family may laugh, but at work I often get the feedback that I am too nice. In the whirlpool that was last year, juggling two jobs and a drug launch, a budget with risk swings in the millions, and 4 countries to lead, I was pushed against the wall to become more sharp in my leadership and succinct in communicating. I think I managed, without becoming unkind. It was a revelation to receive positive feedback from people about how they in fact liked being challenged.
  5. I took the next step in my career and in moving abroad again.
    I was not supposed to stay in Finland for more than 2 years. It has now been over 4 years. Every time I visited London I would sigh and ask myself why, oh why have I not moved back already? So far I have let things happen at their own pace, but in November 2014 I made it clear to my London colleagues that I wanted a job in their office. Only thing was, London office wants me to stay in the Nordics. So now I report to London and consider them my main team, but I still live in the Nordics. I hope the next step in a year or two will be to move back to the UK. Time will tell but I will keep working on this.

Look back before you look forward. It is so easy to ignore one’s accomplishments and only remember failures, as well as focus on new goals. 2015 is closed. How did you live its 365 days?

(Helsinki, Finland; January 2016)


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Interlude

halosenniemi-1It was sunlight of a tired day, still pushing through the old windows. It was words, and a cello. It was a bird on the roof, suddenly emerging through spoken letters and taking flight in the room. It was poetry and incredible voice artistry, the most unusual sounds from a cello, and a quirky violin.

Live today. Tomorrow you can’t anymore.halosenniemi-2(Halosenniemi, Tuusula, Finland; July 2015)


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When the cat is gone the mouse….grows leaves??

cycad-1It was a cold morning in late June, and she was packing her bags, fretting about sunhats and hiking boots and cocktail dresses. By the size of the bags she would be away for a while. “Finally some peace of mind – and space all to myself”, the cycad on the kitchen windowsill sighed, relieved. She did not even say goodbye to her cycad friend. She rarely spoke to it. She thought that since its relatives had been around since the dinosaurs and they are known to push out one leaf per year when they choose to show signs of life, perhaps a word or two every five years would suffice.

The front door banged close and everything grew silent. For days. Until the sun broke out and the room filled up with song. Did you not know? If you listen carefully to the sunlight you will hear a faint tune, like a sun-fairy happily humming into your ear.

“Today is a good day to stretch my leaves” the cycad thought, with the sun-song whirling around the room. And it stretched, and stretched, reaching into all directions, until suddenly, two new fronds popped out. And a third one, still with its curlers on.

cycad-3“Whoops”, said the cycad. “Oops. I was going to save those for the moment when she chose to speak to me again.” In vain it tried to curl and roll and stuff them back into the cone. Oh well, maybe I can make a point of protest with them instead.” And it continued stretching and reaching and pushing in the sound of sunlight, until its new fronds were twice the length of the old ones, standing out like giant whiskers. “Now let’s see if she notices me at all” it said to itself, grooming the fresh, still curly leaves until they were sure to stand out.

Finally she came home. Unloaded her bag and busied herself with laundry, work, and cats for three days. On the fourth day she, an unlawfully bad plant owner indeed, remembered her green friends that might need water. And stared at the cycad, which stubbornly, insultedly showed her it had outgrown both its pot and its windowsill.

“You crazy dinosaur, you have gone cuckoo, you!” she exclaimed. And watered the cycad. And made a note of finding a bigger pot. And made a promise to speak to the cycad at least twice a week, if it promised her to make at least two fronds per year, and try to still fit that windowsill so the cats would leave it alone. Because in this household there is heart-space for both cats and a dinosaur mouse with giant whiskers.

cycad-2

(Helsinki, Finland; July 2015)